What does it mean to mourn?

Image from Jesuit Retreat Center, Oshkosh, WI

“Jesus did not come to explain away suffering or remove it.  He came to fill it with his presence." – Paul Claudel

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“Suffering arises from the simple circumstances of life itself. Sometimes human suffering is dramatic and horrifying. More often it is ordinary, humble, and quiet. But neither way is it ‘God’s Will.’ The divine presence doesn’t intend us to suffer, but is instead WITH us in all the experiences of life, in both suffering and joy.  And that presence is always inviting us toward greater freedom and love.” (From The Dark Night of the Soul by Gerald G. May)

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“Great suffering opens us to transformation in a different way. Here, things usually happen against our will – which is precisely what makes it suffering! . . . The situation is what it is, although we will invariably go through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, resignation, and (hopefully) on to acceptance. The suffering might feel wrong, terminal, absurd, unjust, impossible, physically painful, or just outside of our comfort zone. We must eventually learn a proper attitude toward suffering, because many things every day leave us out of control or outside of our comfort zone. Always remember: if we do not transform our pain we will surely transmit it." (From The Naked Now by Richard Rohr, ofm)

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Grief and loss and suffering, even depression and spiritual crisis--the dark nights of the soul--only worsen when we try to ignore or deny or avoid them. The healing journey begins when we face them and learn how to work with them. When we stop fighting against our difficulties and find the strength to meet our demons and difficulties head on, we often find that we emerge stronger and more humble and grounded than we were before we experienced them. To survive our difficulties is to become initiated into the fraternity of wisdom. The real tragedy is when we refuse to acknowledge and respect our own suffering, and instead spread it unconsciously to others. As the Nobel laureate Elie Wiesel has written, “Suffering confers neither privileges nor rights. It all depends on how one uses it. If you use it to increase the anguish of others or yourself, you are degrading, even betraying it. And yet the day will come when we shall understand that suffering can elevate human beings. God help us to bear our suffering well.” (From: A Lamp in the Darkness by Jack Kornfield)

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What does it mean to mourn? I asked those who were sorrowing. An old man stepped forward.  To mourn, he said, is to be given a second heart. It is to care so deeply that you show your ache in person. To mourn is to be unashamed of tears. It is to be healed and broken all in the same moment.

Blessed are you if you are so full of compassion you see the need before it’s spoken. Blessed are you if you can offer to others a heart that feels their sorrow, a heart that can wait quietly beside them, a heart that doesn't try to hurry the healing.

To mourn is to forget yourself for a moment and get lost in someone else’s pain and then, to find yourself in the very act of getting lost. To mourn is to be an expert in the miracle of being careful with another’s pain. It is to stand in solidarity with the poor and persecuted of the world. It is to stand in solidarity with those who cannot help themselves. To mourn is to join the song of the dying and to be healed by the song and the death. (From Seasons of Your Heart by Macrina Wiederkehr)